


something you consider rare

by raritysdiamonds



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, POV Second Person, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 08:31:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6110884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raritysdiamonds/pseuds/raritysdiamonds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"She is your world, your life in her hands. She could shatter you in her hands right now, but they envelop you like something precious, something to be treasured."</p>
            </blockquote>





	something you consider rare

**Author's Note:**

> so hey, first SU fic! :D Also not the one I originally planned on writing, but I guess that's life lol. I feel like this is pretty different from the sort of stuff I usually write, and there are bits I'm not 100% confident about, but yeah...here it is, hopefully enjoy! All mistakes are mine so feel free to point out any I didn't catch etc, and any/all of your thoughts on this thing what I wrote are always loved and appreciated! <3
> 
> title is from Solitaire by Marina & the Diamonds.

These are the first words you hear:

"Do you think she's ready?"

"Should be. It's been a couple hundred years, right?"

The light gets brighter and brighter, and you can feel your core start to shift in preparation. You are hazily aware that you have been incubating for a long time, waiting for release – but your physical form is new, and it feels so strange to feel your life core expand into these arms, these long legs and your new eyes, opening for the first time to realise that you are no longer alone.

Two figures stand in front of you – tall and sturdy, identical in stature and colour, a deep red glinting in your dark surroundings. You sense that they expect something from you, and so you take your first, tentative steps forward. Movement is not as difficult as you thought: the ground feels light, and your legs seem to cross and twist almost independently, carrying you to your destination. But then your foot hits a bump in the ground and you stumble, losing control of your form as you backstep frantically, scrambling for stability.

"Oh, great," sighs the Gem on your left. "What are we going to do with a clumsy Pearl?"

"Hey, give her time – she's fresh out of the ground. She'll pick it up."

The ground? You glance down, folding at the middle to peer under your legs, and there are indeed several holes in the ground. Is this where you have come from? But there's something obscuring your vision, something blue and fuzzy, and as you straighten up and twist your head experimentally, you realise that it's part of you – your hair. You lift your hand to brush it out of the way – but a hand that is not your own shoots out, seizing your arm roughly before you can reach.

"Don't mess with your hair! They made it perfect, just the way she wanted it – if anything's wrong, she'll blame us for it."

" _Careful_ ," the other Gem reprimands her, "you'll leave a mark. Imagine what she'll do to us if we come back with a roughed-up Pearl."

_Pearl_. This seems to be your name – your title? Your purpose? Your free hand flutters to your chest, and it gives you some small comfort to feel your gem still there. It is the core of your being, the only thing that's familiar in your strange new existence. You know you were made for a reason, to serve a purpose, and these Gems evidently expect something of you – but you cannot know what it is yet, and whether you will be able to meet their expectations.

"Pearl," the Gem on your right says, more gently, "you're gonna come with us, okay? We're going to take you to your Diamond, and she'll take care of everything."

You nod hesitantly, but her companion keeps a tight grip on your arm, holding you in place, and you recognise that this is an order, not a request. You do not have any choice in the matter.

The journey is long, but it gives you time to adjust to walking in your new body, flanked by the two other Gems. You hope that you might learn more about where you are going, what they expect from you, but they only talk to each other in hushed tones, about whether _she_ will be pleased, how she might reward them for their efforts. They do not talk to you, except for when the right Gem reminds her companion not to grip you too tightly, she might damage you. _She_ will not be happy if you are anything less than perfect.

"I'm pretty sure she won't try and make a break for it, anyway – she was made to follow orders, remember?"

Her companion on the left lets out a groan. "Ugh. _Pearls_."

* * *

"My Diamond! We have returned – and we have her here!"

You stand in a vast, hallowed hall, the two guards still at your side. An assortment of other Gems are gathered, too, all shapes and sizes. You can hear them whispering among themselves as the guards march you down, and you are grateful for your long hair as you glance down at the floor, avoiding their gaze. You wonder if they are assessing you for your purpose – and what might happen if they find you lacking.

Then, abruptly, everyone goes silent. You lift your head attentively as the great, gilded doors in front of you open with an almighty _creak,_ and a magnificent sight glides through them.

A towering, elegant column of a Gem, the brightest, dazzling blue, draped in intricate, flowing robes that trail in her wake. You gaze up at her – the most incredible thing you have ever seen, impossibly big, impossibly beautiful – and you know at once that this is the _she_ they spoke of. The one you were made for.

As she takes her seat in the empty throne directly in front of you, both guards immediately drop to the floor, lowering their heads in reverence. "My Diamond," they say, as one.

"This is her?" she says, her voice deep and rich, calm but commanding, seeming to reverberate throughout the halls. She reaches out with one hand – and you realise it is for you, as you stand trembling to your very core – and beckons with one elegant, authoratitive finger. "Well, come closer – let me see you."

One of the guards pushes you forward, and you walk with shaking steps until you stand at your Diamond's feet. And then that hand is reaching out for you, enveloping your face – and you freeze, unsure how to react to this new sensation. The guards have tugged and pushed you into place, but no Gem has ever _touched_ you like this, her cool, smooth fingers gentle on your face, stroking down your cheeks and your nose.

"Oh, yes," she murmurs, and then she brushes your hair out of your eyes – and you _see,_ your vision clear for the first time. Blinking in the light, so bright, so blue that it almost hurts your eyes, but she is all you see, your entire field of vision. The others simply cease to be; she is your world, your life in her hands. She could shatter you in her hands right now, but instead they envelop you like something precious, something to be treasured.

"Beautiful," she whispers, light as a breeze, and you almost jump as her fingers brush the back of your leg, pulling your skirt straight. She turns your face in her palm, stroking through your hair, and something stirs inside of you, in your gem – her approval is like the sun, bringing a flood of relief so sweet and sharp that it is almost too much. She runs a finger down the whole length of your form – from your gem to your feet – and you shiver involuntarily, trembling under the flood of new sensations. Then, just as suddenly, she withdraws her hand.

"Yes," she pronounces, waving a hand in dismissal, "I am quite satisfied with this one. Thank you, Rubellites – you may leave now, all of you. I will handle things from here."

You can hear footsteps on the ground as the other Gems exit, but you dare not turn around, dare not take your eyes off your Diamond for a second. Finally, you hear the door close, and you are alone with your Diamond, just the two of you in the great, blue chasm of the halls.

"Pearl," she says. Her face is hidden in shadow, obscured by her long, elegant garment – you cannot see her eyes, but you can see her mouth shape your name, and feel the weight of her words. "Tell me – do you understand what you are?"

"I – I'm a Pearl." It is the first time you have spoken, and the sound of your own voice startles you. While others have spoken to you before now, it has only been to issue instructions, never anything that required you to respond. But if you can be sure of anything about yourself, from the way you have heard them talk about you, you know this is true.

"No," your Diamond replies sternly, and instantly your heart plummets, fear and confusion swirling in your mind until she continues: "You are _my_ Pearl, and I your Diamond. There are other Pearls, but none like you – you are unique, one of a kind. The most beautiful, most precious Pearl there ever was – crafted just for me, and me alone." A smile tugs at the corner of her lips. "As such, you will do whatever I require of you, to aid and assist in our cause and my personal affairs. In return, I shall keep you here with me, safe from harm – a privilege enjoyed by no other Gem. I certainly hope that our relationship will be mutually beneficial."

"Yes, my Diamond," you answer, overwhelmed by the weight of this new information. To serve your Diamond, in whatever way she requires...It sounds like a monumental task. You cannot begin to imagine what this involves, or what this cause is that you must work towards. But this is your purpose, the reason you were made – and your Diamond said you were special. You understand that you must strive to please your Diamond, to live up to your purpose, so that you might once again feel the warmth of her approval. You do not dare to imagine what might happen if you cannot.

Your Diamond nods, apparently satisfied with your response. "Of course, I cannot expect you to understand the importance of your service straight away. You are still a young Gem – but soon, you will learn what it truly means to serve a Diamond. I have faith that you will serve me well, my Pearl."

"Yes, my Diamond."

"Now, come." She rises from her throne, a towering, graceful pillar of blue, looming over you, and you are struck once again by how very small you are, standing here before your Diamond – so tiny, so insignificant that she could crush you underfoot if she desired. Yet, it seems that she desires your service instead, and as she turns, her long adornments rippling and swaying, you know that you must do everything in your power to make it satisfactory. "I have some tasks in mind for you to begin with."

And so you follow your Diamond further into her quarters – through the door, into a world of sparkling blue, to your new life.

* * *

As time passes, just as your Diamond said, your purpose becomes clearer.

Where your Diamond goes, you must follow, unless she instructs you otherwise. Your Diamond's quarters are vast, and it is your job to make sure everything in them is to her satisfaction. You clean and rearrange each room diligently, taking utmost care with your Diamond's many priceless artefacts. You must know where everything is at all times – if your Diamond demands something, you must bring it to her immediately, whatever it may be.

Your Diamond values beauty and elegance above all else, and she requires that everything in her court is gleaming and polished to perfection – and you, her Pearl, are the centrepiece. She instructs you how to stand and sit, how to cross your legs and place your arms in the most aesthetically pleasing manner possible. She prefers your hair long, so your face is always half-obscured, made in her own image. You adjust to seeing through your veil of hair, learning to perceive everything going on around you so you are ready for anything your Diamond might ask of you.

Many other Gems come and go, other followers and members of your Diamond's court. Your Diamond likes to have you on display for them, particularly for the other Diamonds, who are sometimes accompanied by their own Pearls. You greet them with a bow and twirl, and sometimes dance if they are important enough to require entertaining, but you are not expected to understand much of what they discuss. Your Diamond speaks of expansion, of colonisation – you may not understand exactly what this entails, but you trust that your Diamond, in her wisdom, acts in the interests of all her followers – of the entire Gem race. You cannot ever question this.

However, your Diamond's carefully-laid plans do not always proceed as expected, and you quickly learn to read her mood as well, when her voice raises during a discussion or her hands tighten on the arms of her throne. You have seen what happens to the Gems who displease her, seen them cringe and cower in fear as your Diamond's verdict reverberates through the court – your instinct is to do the same, but you cannot. It is up to you to soothe her troubled nerves, to provide a distraction from her daily responsibilities.

Sometimes, when all the other Gems have left, your Diamond has you dance for her.

The first time you are nervous, hesitant to move in case you stumble and displease her, but you soon find that it comes naturally, that you turn and leap and twirl with ease, the ground light beneath your feet even though you often cannot see where you land. Your Diamond instructs you at first, how and where to move your limbs in a manner most pleasing to her eyes, and then she simply gestures. Now you learn to follow her desires faultlessly, pointing your toes, raising your arms and twisting your body in time with the deft movements of her fingers, almost as though she were moving you herself, moulding and shaping your form in her hands just to her satisfaction. Crafting the rarest, most beautiful, most perfectly polished Pearl of all, all for herself.

Your Diamond rarely praises you, or any of her followers, with words – she finds overt displays of emotion distasteful – but that tiny upwards quirk of her lips when you are dancing, or the brief nod of approval when you complete a task, means the world. And sometimes, when she sits back in her throne with you by her side, she idly strokes her fingers through your hair, down along your neck and your back. For just a moment, you can relax and revel in her touch, safe in the knowledge that your Diamond is happy and satisfied, and you have pleased her. It is in these moments that you feel secure in your purpose, safe in your Diamond's hands, and you understand. She is your Diamond, and you are her Pearl, and with her is where you belong.

And, you hope, it is where you shall stay.

* * *

You have accompanied your Diamond to many planets, in pursuit of various projects, but this one is proving much more difficult than anticipated.

It is a strain on your Diamond's nerves as many more Gems pass through her halls, in the temporary base crafted for her while she oversees the colonisation of Earth. She orders more soldiers out into the field, but fewer seem to return, and those that do most often bring with them bad news. Your Diamond has laid out extensive plans for this planet, but more complications are arising each day – many Gems demand her time to reassess their strategies, and even when working outside her quarters, you often hear her voice, loud and incensed, ring through the halls. Your heart sinks every time, and you just hope that you will be able to soothe her later.

Your duties are expanding, too – you have scarcely been outside of your Diamond's quarters since the day you first arrived there, but now she sends you to pacify the crowds that gather outside, seeking your Diamond's guidance. She has far more important matters to attend to, so it falls on you to greet the small but persistent crowd baying for attention outside the doors.

Your legs start to tremble as all eyes fall on you, with clear disappointment at being met with a mere Pearl – but, true to your Diamond's orders, you smile and bow.

"Y-yes?" You clear your throat, attempting to hold your head high and speak with authority, just as your Diamond would. "May I help you?"

"We need to speak to Blue Diamond." You recognise the Gem pushing her way to the forefront of the crowd – a Lapis Lazuli. You recall from your Diamond's conversations that her abilities are extraordinarily powerful, and tremendously useful for reshaping planets' terrain for your purposes – but also your Diamond's remarks that she is known to be volatile, unpredictable, and cannot be considered a fully trusted asset.

"I'm sorry," you tell them. "My Diamond is unavailable right now. Please come back another time."

"Another time _when_?" Lazuli demands, as a murmur of discontent ripples through the crowd behind her. "We've been trying to get through to her for a long time – she's never been available. But this is important – maybe you could just let her know we're here? We can wait as long as it takes..."

They most certainly _cannot_ wait here – you shudder at the thought of what your Diamond would do if she was greeted by a baying mob, and knew that you had failed to take care of them. "I _am_ sorry," you say, regretfully, "truly, but my Diamond is taking care of important business and cannot be disturbed at this time. You cannot wait for her here without her permission." As the grumble of the crowd grows louder, you bite your lip, trying to recall what your Diamond told you to say. "My Diamond does understand we have run into some complications with this planet, and assures you she and the Authority are working tirelessly to remedy the situation. In the meantime, she has requested that all Gems continue with the tasks they were assigned and await further instructions."

"But what your Diamond wants just isn't _possible_ ," Lazuli responds, dragging a hand through her hair in frustration. "Believe me – we're trying, but I just don't think this planet's geology is going to accommodate the kind of facilities they're asking for. And the resistance is really growing stronger – we're losing Gems so quickly. We need backup, _urgently_ , or we're going to lose everything we've worked for. I can't stand to fail my Diamond, but...You have to let her know that. Please, Pearl."

Her voice cracks, her eyes huge and pleading - you have to break her gaze, looking down at your own clasped hands as you struggle for a response. Your Diamond didn't tell you how to deal with this part – and Lazuli's words, her tangible desperation, have unsettled you. If what she says is true, the plan could be in real danger – and your Diamond needs to know. But you also know that your Diamond is not seeing any visitors now, and you cannot allow anything your Diamond has not permitted.

"I will of course pass your requests onto my Diamond," you say, attempting to sound reassuring, "and I am certain that she will be in contact. But I strongly suggest that you leave now – if my Diamond finds you here unauthorised, she will have you removed. My Diamond and I thank you for your understanding."

You bow one last time and turn away hurriedly, so you don't have to see Lazuli's face crumple in disappointment, or face any more queries that you have no idea how to answer, and just hope that they will heed your warning, for their sake as much as your own. But other Gems are not your concern – your Diamond comes first, and she will be awaiting your return.

You return to find your Diamond's throne empty, and you glance around until her voice calls out:

"In here, Pearl."

You follow her voice into the communications hub, where you find your Diamond looking intently at the screen floating in front of her. She doesn't look up, but acknowledges your return with a brief nod. "I trust you have taken care of your visitors outside?"

"Yes, my Diamond," you reply automatically, if hesitantly. Your Diamond appears busy and may not appreciate being disturbed at this time, but...Surely, it can only be right that she has all the information. "They have gone, but...Lapis Lazuli has requested that you speak with her? When my Diamond is available, of course. She says there are problems with the..."

"Oh, _Lapis Lazuli_ says many things, I'm sure," your Diamond interrupts, with a soft, scornful chuckle. "That one is notoriously unstable. Pay no attention to her – she's always been resistant to the Authority. She's just fortunate that her abilities are so valuable to us – otherwise, she would have been disposed of long ago. If she wants to be useful, she should stop talking so much and concentrate on the task assigned to her. I trust you made that quite clear, my Pearl?"

"...Yes, my Diamond." You hope she doesn't notice your hesitation, biting your lip as you remember Lazuli's plea. And surely, no Gem would risk contacting the Diamonds without prior permission except in the most urgent of times...It didn't seem like she was lying, but that is not for you to decide. You must trust in your Diamond's judgement, and she understands the needs of her people better than anyone.

Thankfully, your Diamond seems satisfied with the matter, because she merely nods again and returns to her screen. She taps and the familiar scene of a battlefield unfolds in the middle of the room, various data and statistics rolling across the screen along with various miscellaneous soldiers. You watch as they all turn and rush towards another Gem – Rose Quartz, the leader of the resistance Lazuli and the others were talking about. You have heard your Diamond mention her in passing, and though you have never seen her in the flesh, you know it is her from her impressive form, standing tall and defiant with her shining pink sword.

But it's another Gem, whirling across the screen in a flash, that captures your Diamond's interest; she moves her fingers to tilt and zoom, tracking her movements. And your eyes widen underneath your hair as you realise: she's a Pearl, too. She has your face shape, your nose, your delicate form – but she holds herself like no Pearl you have ever seen, her face alight with righteous fury as she reaches into her gem and produces two spears, wielding them expertly as she stands protectively in front of her Quartz.

And somehow you are transfixed, unable to look away as she leaps into action, twirling and pirouetting across the screen while striking out with her spears. Her fluid, graceful movements are familiar to you, almost how you dance for your Diamond – but repurposed and remade into something else entirely, stunning and savage, brutal yet beautiful as this Pearl leaps and stabs with her spears, taking out several soldiers in a seamless choreography of dance and battle.

Watching her, you are...horrified, yet fascinated, and you feel an ache – not painful, exactly, but sharp and strange, like something tight across your chest. When you glance down, your gem is pulsing with a faint but distinct glow.

Then your Diamond moves her hand across the screen and the scene disappears, fading into oblivion. You blink, glancing guiltily up at your Diamond – it might seem impertinent for a Pearl to show such interest in her Diamond's communications, after all. But she appears to be deep in thought, her hands steepled under her chin and her mouth pressed into a tight, pensive line.  
"Well, then," she says eventually. "It appears Rose Quartz has gotten herself a Pearl too." She shakes her head, her voice dripping with contempt, disgust. "How perverse – not to mention foolish. She's evidently had some sort of combat training, but the very notion is a joke – Pearls weren't built to withstand battle. Quartz may have gotten lucky a few times, but that Pearl will shatter within seconds once she's up against any Gem with real power."

"My Diamond?" She looks down at you with some surprise – it is rare for you to speak without being prompted, but you cannot withhold your curiosity any longer. "Forgive me for asking, but that Pearl...her weapons." You frown, shuffling your feet. "Do...Can _I_ do that too, my Diamond?"

"Hmm?" Your Diamond inclines her head, considering you. "Well, I suppose you could. All Gems can summon their own weapon in times of need – it was crucial to the survival of our race, the ability to defend ourselves whenever necessary. But of course, we've evolved since then, far beyond our original primitive capabilities." She touches a hand to her own gem – like everything else in her quarters, perfectly positioned and exquisitely polished – and, unexpectedly, she smiles. "Can you imagine, Pearl, if _I_ were to summon my weapon right now?"

You gulp and shake your head. Your Diamond already has ultimate power, authority over every Gem except her fellow Diamonds. She has anything she desires at her beck and call, the undying service and loyalty of all her followers, and she intimidates even the most fearless warriors simply by speaking, her commands echoing throughout the empire. You cannot imagine her wielding a weapon – she is already powerful enough to destroy any Gem, should she choose to do so. It would only be a distraction, unwieldy and cumbersome on her graceful form.

She nods, apparently satisfied. "Exactly – why should a Diamond have need of a weapon, when we have already engineered Gems to be the ultimate warriors? They are the ones who must master their weapons, who were made to protect and defend our race in battle. I am far too important to be in the line of fire. As a Diamond, I am tasked with overseeing the expansion of our empire, guiding our race to greatness and ensuring every Gem is fulfilling their purpose." She sighs, shaking her head so that her hood sways. "It's a shame that Rose Quartz is so misguided, because she is an accomplished warrior, and under the right supervision would be a valuable asset. But we cannot allow her to continue in pursuit of these twisted ideals – and risk other Gems being influenced. Every one of us was made with a purpose, something to contribute to our cause. For a Gem to blatantly disregard that, to deliberately fail to perform their designated function...well, they must be eliminated. For the good of our race."

You ponder this, your clasped hands tightening over your gem. You think about the rebel Pearl, who appeared so confident, such an impressive warrior despite her delicate form, and about Lapis Lazuli, shaky and unstable in her considerable power, but still so apparently determined to get through to your Diamond at all costs. Both of them, risking everything...to what end? What could happen to a Gem, to make her stray so far from her intended purpose? Or were they simply made that way, faulty by design?

As if she knows, your Diamond spontaneously reaches out and takes your face in her hand, tilting your chin up towards. " _You_ are everything a Pearl should be. Beautiful, elegant, obedient. I should never require you to summon your weapon – you are not a soldier, and I would never expose my Pearl to the horrors of battle. A Pearl requires proper care, to be kept in pristine condition so her beauty can be enjoyed by everyone, and it saddens me to see Quartz's Pearl being used in this unnatural way, twisted into something she is not."

"Yes, my Diamond," you mumble, pleasure at the praise mingling with a flicker of guilt that you could have thought the rebel Pearl beautiful, when she is the opposite of everything a Pearl should be. And yet, still, the thought of the weapon at your core lingers; you cannot help wondering what it would be like, to reach inside your gem and summon your own spear. You could never do so – you would never disobey your Diamond's orders – but a tiny thrill still tingles down your spine as you imagine holding your weapon in your hand. Would it be a spear like the other Pearl's, or would yours be different – perhaps your Diamond knows what your weapon looks like, since you were made according to her specifications? You have no desire to fight, but you wonder how it would look on you, standing or even dancing with your weapon in your hand, just like...

"In any case, we're done here," your Diamond announces, interrupting your reverie as she rises from her seat. "I'll address the situation with the other Diamonds tomorrow – I need to relax."

You bow and follow, hoping your Diamond cannot sense your conflicting emotions. Guilt gnaws at the corners of your mind as you wonder what your Diamond would think, if she knew you had even considered the possibility of summoning your weapon...But such a thing is only a fantasy. You would never betray your Diamond and your intended purpose – you are a Pearl, not a soldier, and that is all you will ever be.

But, as you assume your usual position by your Diamond's side, ready to cast aside any such thoughts, you cannot deny that with the knowledge that you, too, possess a weapon at your core, you feel...different, somehow. Nothing has changed – you carry out your duties as usual, attending to your Diamond's wishes. But perhaps, also, you stand up a little straighter, your feet planted more firmly on the ground, still light and delicate, but more solid and steady in a way that they never quite were before, standing unmoving by your Diamond's side.

You feel stronger.

* * *

"My Diamond! A moment of your time, if you please?"

You glance up from the plate you were polishing as an unfamiliar voice rings out through the hall, and you see a Gem at the other end walking purposefully towards your Diamond. You frown – security never mentioned this to you, and your Diamond wasn't expecting any visitors today. You hurry to her side, your heart sinking a little as you steel yourself for her response; with the war always heavy on your Diamond's mind, you had really hoped for a quiet day.

" _Excuse_ me?" Your Diamond's tone is icy cold, sending a chill down your spine as the Gem approaches – you recognise her now as a Tourmaline, a technician Gem usually assigned to Yellow Diamond. She drops to the floor, bowing deeply.

"Please forgive me for interrupting, my Diamond – did Yellow Diamond not inform you I was coming?" She fumbles and produces a light stone hologram, holding it up to your Diamond as a means of identification. "We just need to borrow your Pearl for a little while, if my Diamond would be so kind?"

You freeze, looking to your Diamond for help, but her face remains a carefully composed mask. "And just what does _your_ Diamond want with my Pearl?"

"I'm sure my Diamond is familiar with the renegade Pearl of Rose Quartz's army? Well, it's just a formality, but Yellow Diamond has requested that we perform a few routine tests on all known Pearls. It's unlikely, but we can't risk the possibility that any others may be similarly affected, that they might be predisposed to...irregularities. It's just a few standard tests so we can check for any signs of nonconformity, and take the appropriate action if we do find anything out of place."

"What nonsense," your Diamond states. "This is the first I've heard of any such tests. You're not taking my Pearl."

"Ah..." Tourmaline scrolls through a screen in her hand, visibly flustered. "Of course, my Diamond, I completely understand your concerns - let me assure you, we will endeavour to return your Pearl to you as soon as possible. A most beautiful model, too, if I may compliment my Diamond's taste. But also, if we _do_ find anything faulty – you should know that we still have your specifications to replicate this one perfectly? Let's see...A new Pearl can be formed in about 300 years, just to give us time to ensure everything is exactly as it should be."

You try to stand passively throughout their conversation, not to betray the sheer terror that grips you at the thought of being found defective. Separated from your Diamond, they could subject you to any amount of painful procedures, examining and dissecting every inch of your form until some imperfection comes to light. You have seen what happens to the Gems who fail their task, a disgrace to your Diamond – they are sent to be "reformed", their bodies destroyed and their gems shattered to be remade anew, so that they might yet be of use to your cause. You've heard the screams, seen them cry and beg and plead for your Diamond's mercy. But you are not some common soldier – you are her Pearl, her most prized possession. Your Diamond would never allow them to take you...would she?

" _Enough_ ," she declares, making both you and the Tourmaline jump as she holds up a hand. "How dare you barge in here to my quarters, unannounced, and then have the audacity to insinuate that my Pearl is defective?!"

Tourmaline cringes and cowers away, hiding her face as she drops to the floor once again. "No, please, my Diamond, you misunderstand – I would never..."

"I understand perfectly. To think that I would trust my Pearl to the likes of you," your Diamond continues, "and to imply that I would not _notice_ if she was exhibiting any signs of defectiveness? Inspect the other Pearls if you will, but this one does not leave my court. In fact, I would have her tell you herself."

A rush of relief pours over you, and you bow and twirl on cue. "I live to serve only my Diamond," you tell Tourmaline obediently. "Any deviation from what I was made for would be unthinkable, and indeed, impossible. I am sorry to hear about the other Pearls – but I must remain here, so that I may service my Diamond for the good of our cause."

Your Diamond nods approvingly, and Tourmaline's face falls. "But my Diamond, I can't...Yellow Diamond said..."

"Do _I_ look like _Yellow_ Diamond to you?" your Diamond demands, her voice rising with indignation as her hands grip her throne so tightly she looks as though she may destroy it. "I will hear no more of this. You will leave immediately before I have you removed, and you will not trouble me _or_ my Pearl again."

"Y-yes, my Diamond. Sorry, my Diamond," Tourmaline stammers, bowing repeatedly as she backtracks, and when far enough from your Diamond, wisely turns and flees, her footsteps echoing down the hallway.

As the doors swing shut behind her, your Diamond lets out a long, exasperated sigh.

"Here, Pearl," she beckons you, with both hands outstretched. You recognise the gesture as you step into them; she lifts you up to massage her temples, using your slight stature to your advantage as you balance carefully on her shoulder. Your Diamond leans her head back in her throne, allowing her robes to slide back just enough to allow you access to the smooth cobalt skin of her forehead. When the opportunity arises, you must be honoured – your Diamond would certainly never permit any other Gem to touch her with such familiarity.

"I must talk to Yellow Diamond," she murmurs, as you begin to rub small, soothing circles on her temples. "What is she thinking of, wasting our time and resources on recalling Pearls? We have _much_ more pressing matters to attend to at a time like this."

You remain silent, focusing on applying the right amount of pressure and trying not to think about the other Pearls, and what will happen to them if they are declared defective...

"Quartz's Pearl is certainly defective, but that one was cut from a completely different batch. As if I would allow any expense to be spared when crafting _my_ Pearl. Mmmm," your Diamond breathes a sigh of pleasure as you target a particularly tense spot, and you permit yourself a small smile at eliciting such a response, "yes, that's much better." A few moments later, she plucks you from her shoulder and sets you back down in front of her.

"Evidently, _my_ Pearl is functioning flawlessly, and I would never expect any less," she comments, running a finger down through your hair to the tip of your nose. "Tell me – did that Tourmaline scare you?"

"Um..." You hesitate, unsure of the correct response; your Diamond dislikes any show of weakness, but she surely despises dishonesty even more, and will know if you. "Yes, my Diamond – just a little."

To your surprise, she chuckles indulgently, smoothing your hair down with her fingers – your Diamond is unusually affectionate today. "Oh, my Pearl – do you really think I would give up my most treasured possession so easily? You have always served your Diamond proud, and never shown any signs of the kind of dangerous, independent thinking that threatens the very core of our system. Let Yellow Diamond take the other Pearls for inspection, if she insists – it's a tiresome process, but they're not of any great importance to our war efforts. But I would not be without _my_ Pearl, especially in trying times such as these. I won't let them take you away from me."

Her words grace you like a cleansing balm, and you smile and bow, flushing from the praise. "Thank you, my Diamond – of course, I will always serve you, and could never be without my Diamond either, my Diamond."

You try to take solace in your Diamond's words as you resume your duties, but the thought of the recall still lingers in your mind – because truthfully, you have always been aware that you are disposable. Unlike the soldiers and technicians, you are of no importance to the cause – a Pearl is a luxury, and one precious few Gems can afford. You strive to perform your function as any other Gem does, to meet all of your Diamond's requirements and attend to her every need. But if a Diamond should ever tire of her Pearl, decide that she no longer requires her service, or that she wants a new model...well, then a Pearl has no purpose to speak of, and no reason to exist. You are dependent on your Diamond's desire to keep you around, and nothing else.

But when your Diamond shines her light upon you, you are not afraid. Because the other Gems might be valued for their skills, but for your Diamond, you are more valuable; you are something beautiful for her to look at and hold and enjoy. Something truly _hers –_ you have given her everything, and she gives you hope and purpose. When she looks upon you and smiles, or strokes her fingers through your hair – you feel _wanted_ , cherished in a way the other members of her court can never hope to be, and you understand why you must give your Diamond everything, keep yourself pristine and polished and perfect for her pleasure.

Because the truth may be that your Diamond does not need her Pearl – but she desires you, in a way no other Gem will ever know, and this is why you are special. This is what will keep you safe, sheltered from the dangers of the world outside your Diamond's door, and you must do everything in your power to keep it so.

You must continue to be all that your Diamond wants – because otherwise, you have no reason to be.

* * *

"I'm not here to hurt you."

Rose Quartz's Pearl stands in front of you, sword in hand. It is lowered, but the tip of her sword points accusingly towards you as you stand backed into a corner, shaking to your core.

It all happened in a blur, before you had time to process what was happening: the Crystal Gems, many more of them than ever before, stormed your Diamond's quarters. Somehow, they fought their way past the guards and into your Diamond's private chambers, and you instinctively moved to leap in front of her, ready to sacrifice yourself in the name of your Diamond. But when you turned around, she had already fled – leaving you at the renegade Pearl's mercy.

"What you're doing is wrong." You try to stand firm, although you cannot stop your legs and your voice from shaking. "You – how can you turn your back on your own race, your own planet, just to protect _this_ planet? Encouraging Gems to go against their natural purpose, when our great Diamond Authority has worked so hard for the good of all of us? You can never win this – you're going to end up shattered, all of you."

"That's not true," the other Pearl replies, her voice calm but with a glint of steely determination in her eyes. "You're just repeating what they told you, what they've wanted all of us to believe. But the life on this planet is valuable, too – and there's no reason our races can't coexist. We know there's a better way, and we never wanted to hurt anyone. But we're _not_ going to stand by and let you destroy this planet, and all these innocent lives."

Panic rises in you as you see her hand tighten on her sword, shaking your head frantically. You can almost hear your Diamond's voice in your head: "the bizarre, twisted logic of a sad, misguided little Pearl without a Diamond, searching for a purpose". You can't believe her – you _won't_ believe her.

"You would say anything to convince good Gems, Gems who fight for our _true_ cause, to betray our Diamonds. My Diamond wants only what's best for all of us: the expansion of our empire, to let our race grow across the galaxy so we can achieve great things. We need the facilities and resources to thrive – to create a better world for all Gems, a safe place where every Gem can grow to their maximum potential, the way they were made to. The life on this planet is primitive – its potential would only go to waste, and we can achieve so much more with it."

"Oh, is _that_ what she told you?" Pearl responds, her voice rising in scorn – but then, to your astonishment, she lets go of her sword, letting it fall to the floor beside her as her voice softens. "I remember. I used to be just like you – just like all the other Pearls. All I wanted was to please my Diamond, and I tried so hard to make her happy. I had ideas – I wanted to _contribute_ something, to be useful like all the other members of her court. But she..." Her voice catches, raw with emotion. "She didn't want that. They said I was too wilful, too independent. I wasn't how a Pearl should be, and they said I was..."

"Defective," you murmur, and the word brings it all flooding back: the fear of displeasing your Diamond, of not being good enough, the perpetual uncertainty of a Pearl's existence. The word all Gems feared the most – always the final, inarguable verdict, the declaration that they had failed, and were unfit for purpose.

The other Pearl nods, and you see the pain reflected in her eyes. "Yes. My Diamond didn't want me, and I had no skills, nothing to offer to anyone. I knew they were going to – to break me." You wince instinctively as she shudders, haunted by the memory, before continuing: "But then... _she_ found me."

And with just the one word, suddenly her face is transformed: her cheeks flush jade, her eyes growing large and dreamy as a warm, wistful smile spreads across her face. She must mean Rose Quartz, you realise, but you have never seen another Gem speak of their superior in such a way, so full of admiration and gratitude and emotions you cannot even recognise. You feel that ache in your chest again, and your hands instinctively move to protect your gem.

"I owe everything to Rose Quartz," she says. "She saved me, and she taught me so much about myself – about what I was really capable of. She showed us all that there was another way, a better way, and we didn't have to live in fear any more. She taught me that we can be more – we can be _better_ – than what they made us to be. And you can too, Pearl."

"I..." You can feel your defenses starting to crumble under her intense gaze, her eyes piercing into yours even through your veil of hair. Never before can you remember a Gem so focused on _you_ – not simply as a means to your Diamond – and you cannot understand why, why the rebel Pearl would go out of her way for you, of all Gems. But you cannot be seduced by her lies, and you turn away, wrapping your arms protectively around your own form. You have no weapon, but you must fight her off – for your Diamond.

"I am _nothing_ like you," you declare, standing to your full height and clenching your fists in defiance. "I desire nothing more than to serve my Diamond. I will always believe in her and I know that she will lead our race to greatness. I have never disappointed her, and I know that she...She cares for me." Your voice falters at your last sentence, the whispers of doubt in your mind growing just a little louder, as you wonder where your Diamond is now – and why she has not come back for you. But the rebel Pearl _must_ be misguided, her ideology warped and twisted, because how could you be anything without your Diamond? She is the reason you exist, and the reason you continue to exist. She is everything, and you – you are nothing. What could be out there for you without her, except pain and misery – you are weak, you have no skills, nothing to contribute to your race, no discernible purpose, and the thought makes your voice ring out louder than it has ever been: "I will never be defective like you!"

Pearl flinches at that, and you realise, in some strange way, that you _want_ her to get angry, to shout – to draw her weapon and strike you down right here and now. It would be easier to understand than this... _kindness,_ this relentless sympathy and understanding she persists in showing you – and for what?

"Just _listen_ to me," she insists, voice suddenly sharp as anger and hurt flash briefly in her eyes. But then she shakes her head, clasping her hands together as if composing herself. "I know you're scared of her," she says, more gently. "We _all_ are. But just imagine if you didn't have to worry about pleasing your Diamond any more, about being perfect all the time. You could do anything, _be_ anything you wanted to be. You could fight. You could fuse..."

"Fuse...?" You frown, confused. "I – I cannot fuse. Only warriors fuse – I was not built to fight, so I have no use for fusion. Why would I even...?"

"Fusion isn't just about battle. It can be so much more than that – it can be anything, just like you can." The rebel Pearl extends her hand to you, her eyes soft and pleading, searing into yours. "You have a choice – you can come with me now, and I'll show you. You can be so much more than just a..."

"HEY!" You both jump at the high-pitched yell, turning around to see a swarm of

Rubies charging towards you – seemingly from out of nowhere. "You get away from Blue Diamond's Pearl, _traitor_!"

Immediately the other Pearl's expression hardens, and she reaches for her sword once again as they rush at her – there must be hundreds of them. She spins and thrusts with her weapon as you cower away, shielding yourself with both hands – but she is hopelessly outnumbered as several Rubies pile onto her delicate form, knocking the sword from her hand, wrestling and pummelling her into the ground. You cannot help but wince as she writhes under them, struggling to pull her spear from her gem. But then, a lone, powerful voice:

"Pearl!"

You glance around instinctively, but it is not you the voice calls for; Pearl rolls out of the way, kicking off several Rubies as a magnificent, pink sword strikes a path through them, and they shriek and scatter.

Dazed, you look up to see Rose Quartz looming above you, majestic with the wind in her hair and fire in her eyes, as she reaches out for her Pearl, taking her hand and pulling her upright. Her face is smudged with dirt, a bruise already beginning to bloom across her cheek – your Diamond would be appalled if you ever came back looking like that – but you can tell the other Pearl doesn't care, her face flushing as she gazes up at her Quartz, almost glowing with adoration and a renewed purpose.

"Pearl – c'mon!" You jump as a lone Ruby tugs at your arm. "We've gotta get you back to Blue Diamond. Just come with me, okay?"

Without waiting for an answer, she hoists you up and over her head, leaving your arms and legs flailing inelegantly – she is half your height, but her form is solid and sturdy, built for carrying things heavier than you. You have no choice but to curl into a ball as she takes off across the bumpy terrain, weaving in and out of Gems fighting all around you, all blurring into one. Your head is pounding, your limbs are aching – but it's okay, because you will be back with your Diamond soon, you remind yourself. Back where you belong.

But even as you close your eyes, hugging your knees to your chest fiercely, you can still see the image of Rose Quartz and her renegade Pearl, fighting side by side, weapons flying in perfect sync against the remaining Rubies pairing off to fuse. Two Gems wildly unequal in power and status, a twisted perversion of their designated purposes. They ought to have been hopeless, a pitiful sight, failing miserably. And yet...

And yet, the single thought that unsettles you most: when you saw them together, fighting as one, nothing had ever looked so natural.

* * *

"Ruby," your Diamond says coldly, "where are your comrades?"

You stand passive in your usual position by your Diamond's side, as the Gem in question stands before her – a tiny, solitary figure in the great hall, flanked by the two Rubellite guards.  
Upon return, when you found your Diamond and found her unharmed, in control of the situation once more, you had foolishly hoped that she might appear pleased to be reunited with you – that she might smile, or pause to grant you some small affection. But she evidently has no time for such frivolities: after a cursory examination, lifting your skirt and and raising your arms to check you were not damaged, she simply ushered you into position before ordering the guards to bring her your rescuer.

"I don't know, my Diamond," Ruby replies, boldly. Her stance is familiar to you, the stiff, upright posture and clenched fists of one struggling to conceal their fear. "I guess they must still be out there, somewhere."

"I see." Your Diamond speaks slowly, every word carefully considered and dangerous. "Then please explain to me why you are not with them."

"I – I saw your Pearl, my Diamond, and I thought something might happen to her. So I thought I should return her to my Diamond as soon as..."

"And who authorised you to do that?"

Ruby gulps. "Um – no one, my Diamond. But I thought..."

"You _thought_ ," your Diamond interrupts her, "that you would defy orders and abandon your comrades, risk jeopardising your mission, the safety of your fellow Rubies _and_ that of my Pearl, by attempting a task you were not authorised to do and which is clearly far beyond your capabilities? Is that correct?"

"M-my Diamond..."

"And in your impertinence you assumed that I would not have my own strict protocol for emergencies like these – and that I would not have sent out a Gem far more accomplished than yourself, who would have safely returned my Pearl to me. And now, thanks to your incompetence, you have compromised our efforts, risked irreparable damage to my Pearl and now _wasted_ your Diamond's most valuable time!"

The force of your Diamond's volume shakes and reverberates through the court, echoing and bouncing off the windows as the colour in Ruby's face slowly drains away, leaving only a mask of pure terror on a sickly, pale-pink canvas. It is too much for you to bear, and you reach out to your Diamond, risking the slightest of tugs on her robe to attract her attention . "My Diamond? May I –"

"Be quiet, Pearl!"

It feels as though she has struck you directly; to your horror, shameful tears fill your eyes and threaten to spill down your cheeks as you blink. How could you have been so foolish? Now you have truly displeased your Diamond, and potentially just sealed Ruby's fate – as well as your own.

"I'm sorry, my Diamond!" Finally, Ruby's resolve cracks as she falls to her knees. "Please forgive me – I don't know what I was thinking, you're right, I was dumb. I swear, this will _never_ happen again."

"You're right," your Diamond nods, and your heart sinks, knowing what is coming, "it won't. Guards, please escort the soldier to the reformation room."

"No! Please, my Diamond! I –" Ruby's cries are silenced by a firm hand over her mouth as the two guards seize her – and she simply deflates, giving up. Rubies are known to be scrappy, short-tempered and persistent, but she knows any attempt to fight back now would be futile. Once your Diamond has declared her will, there is nothing more that can be done to save her.

This is your fault, you can only think as the guards start to lead her away. If you hadn't been so careless as to get separated from your Diamond, none of this would have happened – and then, briefly, your eyes meet as she passes. You desperately wish you could say it – _sorry_ – but all you can do under your Diamond's watchful eye is nod at her, hoping somehow to convey your gratitude and regret.

But Ruby turns her head away, looking down at the floor – and then she is gone, her footsteps echoing down the hall for the last time until they fade away, leaving just you and your Diamond, the silence a vast chasm between you. You attempt to delicately dab at your eyes underneath your hair, hoping that if you are lucky, she might not...

"Come here, Pearl."

Her tone is calm, but dread weighs heavy on your shoulders as you sense the storm coming; you do as instructed, moving to stand before your Diamond as you try to keep from shaking.

She reaches out and takes your head in her hand, cupping your jaw a little rougher than usual. Your Diamond doesn't speak, but slowly tilts your head back to expose your face, and with a forefinger, lifts your hair to reveal your eyes. There is nowhere to hide, your shameful emotions exposed, a stain on your face before her unforgiving eyes.

"Whatever's gotten into you?" It is not a question, and even through the shadows under her robe, you see your Diamond's face crease into a puzzled frown. "If you have something to tell me, my Pearl, you may speak now."

"M-my Diamond..." It is difficult to compose yourself to speak, even though you know hesitation and stumbling only angers her further. "I only wished to say that...that what happened, it wasn't the Ruby's fault. I was the one careless enough to be separated from my Diamond. If any Gem should be punished – it should be me, my Diamond, not her."

"Hmm." Your Diamond drums the fingers of her free hand on her throne, while the other remains holding you in place. "Strange that my Pearl has never before shown such concern for the lowly Rubies – but now, she weeps for them?" Her grip tightens, vice-like around your chin. "Could Quartz's Pearl have gotten to you?"

"No, my Diamond – never!" you protest, icy panic freezing you to the core; her grip verges on painful, but surely, you hope, she would never risk any damage to her own Pearl... "I was thinking only of our cause – in these difficult times, it would be a shame for us to lose even more Gems unnecessarily, if it could be prevented at all..."

"You know that Rubies are expendable. We have thousands of them in active service – of course, it is to be expected that we will lose some, but it is a simple process to create more. You, a unique, exquisitely crafted Pearl, are _infinitely_ more valuable than them – and in the absence of your Diamond's orders, I expect you to act with this in mind, to take the necessary measures to preserve your condition. Other Gems are not your concern – what use have I of a damaged Pearl?" Your Diamond's voice rises with her hand, lifting you almost off your feet. "Not to mention the fact that we are fighting a war – it is more important than ever that I am aware of any Gem who is not acting in our best interests or is unable to perform their intended function, so that they can be appropriately corrected. And it is _I_ who decides the ultimate fate of my followers, not you!"

Tears blur your vision as your Diamond's fury rings out through the court, her hand squeezing you tighter and higher until, for the first time, you glimpse her eyes beneath her robe – a flash of lightning amid the blue – and you are sure you really are going shatter right here and now, in her hands. Then, without warning, she lets you go, and your legs simply give out beneath you, collapsing in an inelegant heap on the floor.

"Please, my Diamond, forgive me," you gasp out, prostrating yourself on the floor, at her mercy as the tears stream down your face. "I don't know what came over me, I...I think I must still be in shock, from being exposed to battle. But please, my Diamond – know that my only desire, my one true purpose, is to serve my Diamond, and I shall never speak out of turn again for as long as I live – if I might live..."

"Don't beg," she interrupts, her voice as sharp and clear as glass, slicing through you as you scramble to your feet, attempting to smooth down your skirt as her lip curls in disgust. "You are not a common soldier, and I would not see my Pearl make such a spectacle of herself." Your Diamond lets out a sigh, and you could crumble under the weight of her disappointment. "You may take a minute to compose yourself – go and clean yourself up. I don't want to look at my Pearl in such a pitiful state."

"Yes, my Diamond – of course, my Diamond," you mumble, simultaneously relieved that she seems to have decided to spare you – but utterly disgraced, betrayed by your own traitorous emotions. To think that you could have displeased your Diamond so – you, who were made to be perfect, everything she wanted.

But she dismisses you with a flick of her hand, and you flee into her chambers, seeking solace in your Diamond's inner sanctum – a huge room with a magnificent, flowing fountain at its centre. This place was constructed especially for your Diamond to bathe in, for the rare moments when she takes off her robe, when she needs peace and tranquility the most.

But now – now you are here alone, and you kneel to cleanse your shameful, tear-stained face, passing a hand tentatively through the water.

The water is clear, cool on your skin, and you can see your own face reflected there – your hair askew, cheeks flushed and blotchy, nothing like the picture of beauty and grace you are supposed to present. As tears fall down your face and into the water, your image flickers and trembles, shaky and fractured as your sense of identity, delicate and breakable as your body.

You are supposed to be composing yourself – yet, now you are alone, you cannot stop the tears from flowing, running down your face and wracking your body with great, shuddering, graceless sobs – almost painful, as though they were being forced from your very core. You bury your face in your hands to muffle them – you can only pray that your Diamond doesn't hear you. You can picture her face, the slight wrinkle in her sculpted nose and lip curled in disgust at the sight of her perfect Pearl broken down, reduced to such an ugly, raw, desperate display.

And perhaps, perhaps your Diamond is right – because you thought about it. For one brief instant, as Rose Quartz's Pearl held out her hand to you – you imagined what it would mean to accept it. To picture a different existence, free of all the fear and uncertainty. To just _be_ , without a goal in mind or a Diamond to please...the thought was too much, alien and dizzying and terrifying – but perhaps it means that you, too, must be defective, all of your worst fears. To think for a second that you could be anything without your Diamond, that you would even _want_ to be. You are a Pearl, made to serve, made to please, and if you can no longer manage to please your Diamond...then perhaps you really do have no reason to be. Perhaps it is for the best that you, too, should be shattered, for the good of your race. Curiously, the thought doesn't terrify you like it used to – as the sobs subside, you feel almost calm, ready to accept your fate. If you cannot give your Diamond what she wants, then she deserves better – a new, improved Pearl, constructed from your shards if that is her will.

And so you return to your Diamond, prepared for whatever punishment she sees fit. She appears preoccupied with a screen hovering in front of her, and barely glances at you as your assume your position at her side. The silence is endless – you wish your Diamond would speak, pass her verdict on your fate, would offer you any release from this unbearable anticipation as your heart feels like it could burst, pounding through to your core. But it is not until much later, when the day's reports have come in and the Earth's moon is high in the sky, that she speaks:

"Pearl."

"Yes, my Diamond?" You do not need to be told what she wants: you move to stand in front of her, ready for inspection. This time your Diamond lifts your chin with just one finger, and you fight the instinct to flinch away as she holds you in her gaze. You look up at her, still and compliant, afraid to move a muscle.

"Yes. Better," she murmurs, after a long, torturous silence. "I believe I can forgive you."

The relief is immense, overwhelming; it floods through your body just like the first day you met, and you blink rapidly to stop it spilling from your eyes once again. "My Diamond...?

"I cannot wait another hundred years for another Pearl fitting my specifications to be made," she says dismissively. "I trust that this was an isolated incident, and you will not make such a mistake again. However, if I do see any further signs of nonconformity..."

"No, my Diamond – I mean, yes, my Diamond, of course, I will certainly never act so rashly again," you reply, dizzy with relief. "Thank you, my Diamond. I am eternally grateful and in your service, as I have always been, my Diamond."

That evening, your Diamond asks you to dance once again – outside of her quarters, where she might see the pale moonlight shining on your skin. You can only hope she will not notice your eyes are still pink and sore under your hair, carefully combed and arranged just the way your Diamond prefers. But your face has been cleansed, not a trace of unsightly tears remaining, and your Diamond appears pleased as you move to the motions of her hands, twisting and pirouetting into a perfect finish. Just like before, she smiles and pets your hair before she beckons you back inside, and you feel safe again – because on the surface, you are still as flawless as the day you were made, the picture of beauty and elegance fit to stand at your Diamond's side and glory in her attentions. For this, once again, you have been rewarded with something no other Gem would receive – another chance.

Underneath, you may not feel as you did before – you may fear that underneath, you are cracked, tarnished, defective. But that doesn't matter, as long as you can polish your surface to shine more brightly than any other, so there is no need to ever look beyond, deeper. You can hold back the fear, the doubt, the tears that threaten to burst from inside of you like a dam, and you can still fulfil all of your Diamond's desires.

You can remain here, forever pristine and polished, at your Diamond's side, and cast aside any lingering, foolish thoughts to the contrary. You are here to fulfil your purpose, and no one else – not the rebel Pearl, not the Rubies, not any other Gem on any other planet – matters.

There is only your Diamond, and her image reflected in your surface.

* * *

As the war rages on, it has taken a great toll on the Earth, your resources and your Diamond. You can see the situation is getting increasingly desperate, as Rose Quartz's armies are growing stronger and yours are depleting. As more and more Gems are reported missing or destroyed in battle, those with their gems still intact are bubbled and returned by the technicians to an unspecified location. They hurry in and out with clusters of them, fragments of soldiers lost to the war, and you wonder if they will be allowed time to heal and return – or simply broken down and reformed so that they might become something better, stronger. But you have learned it is best not to question such matters.

Your Diamond's usually smooth, sculpted face is etched in a permanent frown as she fields countless reports from Earth's battlegrounds, with no positive progress to speak of. Equipment has been destroyed, and many of the warp pads have been badly damaged – including the one direct to Homeworld. Evidently frustrated with the Authority's decisions, she is spending much of her time holding emergency meetings with the other Diamonds.

Your Diamond is overrun with responsibilities, and evidently frustrated with the Authority's decisions, as she spends much of her time in conversation with the other Diamonds.

"I want that planet _dealt with_ ," says Yellow Diamond, from a screen in the communications hub. "I refuse to abandon our plans – this planet's resources have too much potential. Have you managed to execute _any_ of what we discussed?"

"The groundwork for several facilities has been laid, yes," your Diamond replies. "But the cost of staying here is too great – too many valuable members of my court have already been lost to this war."

"We can send as many reinforcements as necessary. I have no shortage of capable soldiers at my disposal – assuming yours are not to up to the task, of course."

"By all means, send more Gems if you believe they will be of use. But I see no reason why _I_ should remain on this planet any longer. I can easily oversee developments from Homeworld, where I will also be in a better position to utilise our resources for other planets."

"Nonsense," Yellow Diamond retorts, her lips pursed. "We agreed that you were the one best qualified to oversee our colonisation of Earth – though I must say I've yet to see any evidence of this, it's clear we can't leave it in the hands of lesser Gems. The Crystal Gems have become too big a threat, and we need to fix that."

"Which is exactly _why_ it's not safe for me to remain here. We can reassess the situation once I return to Homeworld – unless you're suggesting that _you_ ought to come down here and take over operations?"

This is when you poke your head into the doorway, to see if your Diamond requires any assistance. But she impatiently waves you away, indicating you are to go back to cleaning her quarters. Then the door closes, and you hear no more of their conversation.

Several drawn-out negotiations with Homeworld follow over the next few years, during which you frequently hear raised voices. You are used to nothing coming of them, except your Diamond's mood growing increasingly darker – until one day, she announces that she has

made arrangements to commence a tactical withdrawal from Earth, starting immediately.

"Let it be known that this is _not_ a surrender," your Diamond says, broadcasting on all frequencies from the communications hub, where it should go out to every Gem on the planet.

"We have laid the groundwork for several projects, which will be ongoing and I fully intend to bring to completion in the future. However, after the casualties and the losses we have suffered, I believe that a return to our Homeworld is in the best interests of all Gems under my jurisdiction, and as the warp is down, the Authority is sending out ships as we speak. All present activities on Earth will cease, and all Gems will report back to our base to be registered – and I suggest you move quickly, because any who have _not_ been accounted for at the time of our departure will remain on this planet, and we will not be deploying any valuable resources to bring you back."

Your base becomes a flurry of activity, as the remaining Gems in the field begin making their way back, and you are busy gathering all of your Diamond's personal belongings that have been used to decorate her quarters in preparation for the return to Homeworld. Then, one day, your Diamond receives an emergency transmission from a far-off corner of the planet – a Topaz soldier, you recognise, as she flickers into view.

Your Diamond frowns at the screen. "Soldier, what are you doing? I trust you have all received my instructions?"

"We did, my Diamond," she replies. "And still we're working to round everyone up – but, my Diamond, Lapis Lazuli has been captured by the enemy."

"Lazuli?" Your Diamond lets out a sigh of exasperation, pinching the bridge of her nose. "That foolish pebble. What have they done with her?"

"We don't know, my Diamond – we can't find her anywhere, not even her gem. But we just need a little more time – we can rescue her before the ships come in, my Diamond, I promise. We can't just leave her here..."

"It can't be helped," your Diamond interrupts, holding up a hand. "Don't waste your time searching for Lazuli – if she doesn't show up, we must assume she's been shattered or otherwise irreparably damaged by now.

I want you and the rest of your platoon to retreat and report back with the others immediately – unless you all wish to remain here too."

"But, my Diamond, if we could have just a little more..."

Your Diamond doesn't bother to listen, flicking her hand across the screen so that her last words are lost to oblivion. "That _is_ inconvenient," she murmurs, tapping her fingers on her throne irritably, "troublesome as she is, no other Gems on record possess skills like Lazuli's. But I suppose, if she was unable to live up to her promise, we will just have to find a way to make more."

You nod, agreeing with your Diamond automatically – though something about this troubles you. It seems unlikely that Lazuli could be easily shattered, after all other Gems have spoken about her power – and you know that Gems of her cut are difficult to engineer, hence why you have only encountered one in all your years with your Diamond. "My Diamond?"

As she looks at you, you hurriedly bow in apology for your impertinence. "If I may ask...What will happen if Lazuli's alive, after all?"

"Then she is the Crystal Gems' problem now," your Diamond says dismissively. "We can't compromise our resources for the sake of bringing back one Gem, however useful her abilities may be. If she can survive the next few thousand years, we may yet find use for her."

Fortunately, you do not have time to ponder Lazuli's fate for much longer, because true to your Diamond's word, it isn't long until the Homeworld ships start to appear in the sky. Your base fills up with Gems of all types, and though many are bruised and battle-scarred, their joy and relief is tangible. You see a cluster of Rubies exchanging amazed, triumphant smiles, hands tightly linked in celebration of their survival, and in preparation of whatever might await them on the next planet. A group of Tourmalines in assorted colours pore over their screens, checking and re-checking all the Gems, weapons, carefully bubbled important artefacts as the sturdier soldiers load them onto the ships.

Though you cannot rejoice with them, you are happy, in some small way, that they get to enjoy this moment, the feeling of returning to where they belong. To see so many Gems smiling, talking excitedly among themselves – it has been so long, and this planet has taken so much from them, they never thought they would see their Homeworld again. The places they'd missed, other Gems they'd left behind.

You, of course, belong only with your Diamond, ever present at her side while she finishes overseeing proceedings, issuing commands and directing the Gems loading up the ships. After the first few ships are fully loaded and ready for departure, you are ushered into your Diamond's own, private ship – a sparkling blue hand, smaller and more elegant than the others, with a luxurious interior reminiscent of her chambers back on Homeworld.

"Yes, this is much better," your Diamond declares as she sits back on her temporary throne, and you are relieved to see her features smooth out once again as your ship soars through the sky. "I am glad the Authority has finally seen sense – that planet was becoming intolerable to my sensibilities, and I could not compromise the safety of my followers any longer. And my Pearl, of course." Unusually, the ship also provides a seat for you, so when she reaches out for you you reach up, so that she can hold your tiny, delicate hand in her enormous, immeasurably powerful one. "That crude, brutal planet is no place for my precious Pearl. But when we get back to our Homeworld, I will be able to use my time and wisdom much more effectively. Everything will be as it should – and my Pearl will never leave my side again."

"Yes, my Diamond."

You watch as the planets pass by through the window, thankful to leave the war and the relentless misery of Earth behind – and, most of all, that your Diamond appears relaxed and satisfied with proceedings. Back on Homeworld, she will be able to take time to recuperate while she plans the next phase of action – there will be no more tears and dirt and the crushed shards of the fallen Gems on the floor. Just the clear, bright vision of a better future, guided by your Diamond's infinite wisdom.

And yet...still, your mind drifts back to the Gems left on Earth. The Crystal Gems will never succeed, you have always known this – the Authority will never let a planet with such potential escape their grasp. They'll just come back with more armies, stronger warriors, bigger weapons, until the threat is eradicated, and Earth falls in line with your cause like so many planets before. But you remember the rebel Pearl, and the way she looked at Rose Quartz, and the truth dawns on you, one you must conceal at all costs: if only for a few hundred years, you hope they will succeed. For a Pearl to be anything she wants to be, truly free of her origins, her own Gem...you want to believe it is possible. Even if that Pearl will never be you, and you could never be anything like her – strong, capable, determined. But you think of how she reached out to you, and, if only for the briefest moment in time – you want her to have what she believed you could, too.

But suddenly you can see Homeworld looming over the horizon, and you must force all thoughts of other Gems from your mind as abruptly as your ship judders to a stop. The doors slide open, and your Diamond turns to you with a smile – the first you have seen in a long time.

"We're home, Pearl."

And as you accompany your Diamond back to her quarters, a familiar sense of purpose settles over you. It is time, once again, to cast your irrelevant thoughts aside and think only of your Diamond – how you will make her quarters spotless and sparkling again, perfect and pristine for your Diamond's pleasure. Just like yourself, as you take your place by her side, ready to assist in whatever your Diamond requires of you, for the good of your race, and your one true purpose.

Because she is your Diamond, and you are her Pearl – how it has always been, and how it will forever be.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! <3


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